so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
