I got chris browned last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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