once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
