This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
