oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
