Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will be naked everywhere
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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