The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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