ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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