capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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