i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
