Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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