There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
