Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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