There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
