whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
