margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
