and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
