He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
