Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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