I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
