She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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