She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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