Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
