careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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