if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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