I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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