Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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