Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
