anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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