he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
