she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
