An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
