Cold hands, warm shart.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize