It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize