I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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