I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize