I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
