I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
