Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
