my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
