Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
