She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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