True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
