"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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