just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize