True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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