I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
