$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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