those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
