I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
