my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
