What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
