I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
