they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
