Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
