I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize