she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
