Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Houston, we have a blender
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
