At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
