Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is my gift to your gina
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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