living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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