This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He told me they were just razor bumps!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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