I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
