So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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