It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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