Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
