I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
