You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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