i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
