I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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