Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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