so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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