it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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