I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
