I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
