i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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