Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i believe in u and ur pee
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize