Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize