If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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