I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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