if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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