I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize