He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
