I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
