yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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