is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
