I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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