if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
