I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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