so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm experimenting with sincerity
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
