Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I need a burrito and a hug.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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