I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
